Do you ever go through chapters in your life where your mind is a broken record playing, “What the hell are you doing?!” and “Is this really going to turn out the way you imagine it to?!”? Well, I am currently in one of these chapters, and let me tell you it is so damn uncomfortable! The anxiety I am experiencing each day is driving me nuts. I’ll have moments of clarity where everything feels wonderful and completely doable. Then I am smacked in the face with worry, fear, and a HUGE WTF are you thinking!?
I have been through enough challenging experiences to know this is how it rolls, but it doesn’t change the fact that when I am in the middle of a new one it feels like the first time I have ever faced a new chapter or a transitional period in my life. As I was driving home from my lunch time BODYPUMP class today I burst into tears. So many things are pent up and building up and they are FIGHTING to come out, hence the anxiety and fear. I chose to nap between my two classes with the hopes of waking up with a clearer mind. Thankfully I did. I taught my evening PILOXING Knockout class, which is one of my favorite classes on my teaching schedule. I got to see the familiar faces that have become staples in my weekly class. These faces are my continued affirmation that I am indeed on my right path, that I am following my heart to my “what’s next”. These faces have no idea just how important they are to me every single week. I show up to teach because of them. I leave with an ear-to-ear smile on my face, pink sweat dripping down my back thanks to my freshly pinked hair, and my heart overflowing in gratitude.
Trust the process.
TRUST THE PROCESS.
Man, one of the hardest things to do in life is to trust the process. It takes a constant regrouping for me to do so. It’s a continuous practice, something we will never perfect or master. Even though I know in my heart I need to trust it, trust my path, trust my choices and decisions, I am still left with the feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. I suppose I will look at those feelings from a different perspective. They are there to make sure I am making choices with the proper thought process and not just fleeting and on a whim. I am tempted to hit the road and spend a week in the mountains to reset this mind and heart of mine, but that feels a little too much like running from it all.
So, here I am. Sitting in this uncomfortable place with moments of clarity, gratitude, confirmation of doing the right thing for me intermixed with fear, anxiety, and some mourning of walking away from what’s been a large part of my life for all of my adult years. Wow. I haven’t really thought about it in that way.
No matter where you are in your journey, trust it. Trust your heart. Follow it even when you aren’t certain. Evaluate all of your feelings, embrace them, and really OWN them. Freedom can be found through facing whatever it is head on. And the most powerful statement I can say to you is: You are not alone. You are not fighting your fight alone. You are not making a massive life change alone. Keep your chin up, keep walking your path, and trust the process.